The Echo of Heartbreak
by steepedinshadows419
Summary: 3x18 - Barry can't stop thinking about his broken engagement with Iris, even with his ring back on her finger. Barry/Iris. Oneshot.


**A/N:** I wrote this a while ago, but I wanted to get other fics up first. I hope you enjoy! It takes place in early 3x18 before the Joe/Cecile scene and prob around the time of the first scene of the ep when Abra first shows up - except we're at Barry  & Iris's place, and they're having a moment. :)

 ***** Many thanks to **sendtherain** for being an epic beta and looking this over.

 ***** I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

...

He moved again, another turn from back to side, away from her, facing the wall. It was the worst, most selfish thing he could have been thinking, but the thought wouldn't leave him alone. The possibility of it was unnerving, and there was no proof for why he should even let it get to him.

Sometimes things just got to you, though. Stuff from the past that you thought you were over, then realized you weren't.

He _was_ over this though, totally and completely.

He and Iris were engaged. While the threat of Savitar still loomed, he couldn't forget that fact.

Formulating a plan to defeat the god of speed ate up a lot of their time together - thinking about how he could be stopped and how to face life if he couldn't. The latter was never spoken aloud. It was too scary to even contemplate.

With such a huge dilemma on their plate, it was weird and unfair to Iris for him to be thinking the way he was, thinking _about_ what he was. And it was irritating for him too, because it was keeping him awake.

He moved again.

"Babe."

Out came Iris's hand on his bare shoulder. He stilled, but it was obvious he'd been caught.

"If you move one more time, I'm going to duct tape you to this bed."

Barry looked over his shoulder at her.

"Am I keeping you awake?" He asked, concerned.

Iris opened her eyes and searched his face with amusement.

"How would _you_ sleep if you were next to a human log that kept moving every five seconds?"

Barry laid on his back but kept his face turned toward her.

"A log?"

"A log is a part of a tree," she informed him.

"And?" He started to grin.

"And your skinny ass reminds me of a tree."

He chuckled. "Without the leaves."

"Well, that could be your hair."

"And branches."

"Arms."

"My hair isn't green, though…"

She sighed, done with the banter.

"Why can't you sleep?"

He turned his face away from her and stared up at the ceiling.

"It's nothing."

She waited a beat, and then…

"Is it-?"

"No," he said instantly, knocking out that possibility immediately.

He wasn't going to make her think about Savitar any more than necessary, even to save his own skin.

Iris reached out and flattened her hand on his chest, a plea for him to open up to her.

"You're hot," she remarked. He didn't make a joke about it. She lifted her head and propped it up with her hand. "And your heart is racing."

She slid her other hand across his collar bone and the base of his neck until she could turn his head to face her.

"Talk to me." Her brows furrowed in concern. "What's wrong?"

He took her fingers in his hand and kissed her knuckles.

"Iris…" he murmured on a reverent, exhausted sigh. "It's nothing," he said again and looked up at her. "Really."

She frowned. "Then why can't you sleep?" She demanded gently.

"Sometimes I just can't." He shrugged, hoping she'd drop it.

He should've known she wouldn't go down that easily. Her defiantly raised eyebrow was a testament to that.

"I was just thinking," he said.

"About?"

He pursed his lips, wondering how to proceed without sticking his foot in his mouth.

It was likely inevitable, so he just went with what came to him first.

"About our broken engagement," he admitted.

Her brows furrowed, and then she lifted her hand, wiggling the finger with her engagement ring on it.

"It's not broken anymore, Bear. You sang to me, remember? I said yes."

"I know." He forced a smile. "And I'm very grateful you did." He looked away again. "I shouldn't be thinking about it. I don't know why I am. I just remember asking if I'd lost you and you walking away."

Iris closed her eyes, the tension and uncertainty from that day washing over her, just as it was washing over him.

He sighed.

"And then Joe was there, and he made me tell him what was up."

"What did you say?" She asked quietly, swallowing hard soon after.

"That you were having doubts about us." He turned to look at her. "About marrying me."

She opened her eyes, but tears were in them now.

"You were, weren't you? You were having doubts."

Her sad smile didn't make him feel any better. Neither did her hand on his face, which was probably meant to reassure him.

"It was never about me not wanting to marry you, Bear. I love you more than anything. You know that." She tried for a laugh, but it sounded off. Unnatural. "I said yes twice. Who does that?"

He looked away again and she spread her hand on his chest again, trying to rein him in so he wouldn't pull away from her.

"Barry…" she called to him in a soft sing-song voice, almost a lullaby.

Finally, he turned to look at her again.

"I just wanted to be asked for the right reasons."

He hesitated, then -

"Do you think you'll ever regret it?"

Her lips parted, shock reverberating through her.

"Saying yes to me." He paused. "Do you think you're going to have doubts again?"

"Barry," she scolded, but her voice was full of concern. She inched towards him and laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around his torso.

"No, never," she said. "Never in my life will I ever regret saying yes to you." She sighed, sad for him, and moved her thumb on his skin. "I don't even regret saying yes the first time."

His brows furrowed. He hadn't expected that.

"You don't?"

She shook her head against him.

"No," she said. "I wanted your heart in the right place, but mine always was." She kissed his chest softly. The little gesture made him feel warm, almost reassured. "Even though I was the one who took your ring off, I always wanted it back on. It…" Her breath caught in her throat. "It broke my heart when you changed your mind and left me."

He closed his eyes, guilt washing over him. He ran his fingers through her dark locks and pressed a kiss into her hair.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I shouldn't have done that. I just didn't know how to…"

"I know." She lifted her head, and a tear drifted down her cheek.

He brushed it aside and regretted everything.

"I'm sorry," he said again, then swallowed hard. He shook his head and laughed mockingly, at himself. "I shouldn't have brought this up." He looked back at her. "I'm not trying to hurt you. I would never want that."

" _You_ hurting is what hurts me, Bear."

She wrapped her hand around his neck, and he tensed. So, she lowered her lips to his and kissed him, urging him to respond and nearly sighing aloud in response when he finally did.

His arms wrapped around her, even tighter when she lifted her head and then rested it on his chest again, snuggling into him.

"I'm sorry," he said again, but he could barely say it. He was berating himself. "I don't deserve you, Iris. I don't."

"Shh," she soothed, snuggling tighter against him when his arms started to loosen.

He tried to relax, but he couldn't. The more she tried to reassure him, the more he wanted to run away and scream and cry and…run home to her.

The words from his song trickled through his mind. He felt the truth in every part of them, then remembered her smile when she looked at him, her gaze of adoration and longing and love. She was awed, and she felt safe.

And then…he proposed, and she said yes.

She said _yes_.

He nearly groaned out loud.

He was an idiot.

"I'm a mess," he informed her.

She half-laughed, half-cried, then lifted her head, eyes shining with love.

"Yes, you are," she confirmed, then lowered her head to initiate an Eskimo kiss. "But I love you anyway."

Her voice was soft and warm, and finally he relaxed.

"Iris."

"I will never regret saying yes, Barry. I won't have doubts. I won't take off my ring ever again. And every day of our married life I will thank my lucky stars that you woke up one day and decided to love me."

He groaned and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

He was so, so undeserving of her. Never in his life would he ever be worthy of Iris West, angel from heaven who loved him so, so much.

 _Maybe I should let her_ , he thought, a peace washing over him and filling every empty, lonely space filled with heartache inside him.

Maybe he should just let her love him and believe her when she said she'd never doubted what she felt, and what she felt was the desire to marry him because she loved him more than anything.

He needed her too much to believe otherwise.

And life was too short to spend dwelling on the past. What was important was the promise of a happy future, and she wanted one with him.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too, Bear." She brushed her nose against his skin. His arms squeezed her small frame gently. "I can't wait to be your wife."

He felt her smile again and knew an almost unbearable sensation of pure joy. Then her angelic, relieved sigh cued the beginning of his - _their_ \- long, restful night of sleep.

Her heart belonged to him. It was almost overwhelming. Because he so completely, so eternally, so purely belonged to her.

With every fiber of his being, he belonged to Iris West.


End file.
